Thoughts as I close out

This is a hard post to write - but I keep going back to the fact that - the reason I write this blog is so that I have a place to go back and remember.  So that, as I grow older and so does my family, that we can look back and be thankful for what we have and what we don't have.  To remember the good and the bad.  So, I'll try to summarize as best I can our lives as I close out my career at Honeywell.  Yep, that's right, June 7th is my last day at Honeywell. I've been here seven years.  Seven years worth of relationships, knowledge, and familiarity is coming to a close. 

And I'm still having a hard time with it.  I'm excited for this change and know that I need to do this for my family....and honestly want to.  I just also know that it will be different.  I'll have a different pattern to my life. I'll see different people every day.  I'll be tired from running around after a toddler  - versus tired from staring at a computer. That's different.  But, I'm stressed. I've been stressed for the last two years. Outwardly, I don't show it - I think I've been strong - but inside, I know it's been too much. Working a full time job, doing a part time one, and taking care of a baby while Josh travels (which thankfully he hasn't been for the last couple months) is hard.  I'm slipping in areas I don't want to slip.  My house is dirty, my daughter knows the word hot-dog (since that seems to be all she wants to eat and all we give her), I haven't been documenting, taking picture, or savoring our lives. Josh and I look at each other and feel like we dont' know our daughter sometimes.   If we ever want more kids, the stress really needs to subside....and this step is one that in my heart, I know will alleviate the majority.

We don't want to live with regret.  We don't want to look back and know that we had the option to have me stay home - and we didn't do it.  The last five years we've worked hard (two jobs  - each of us at one point) to make sure we had the option to do this.   And now we do.  We have a downpayment saved for our next house (whenever that is) plus a good path to future saving and planning.  While I worry about the money piece, it's not my primary concern.  Right now, instead, I worry what other people think of our decision. While everyone is supportive outwardly - I still worry.  Stupid huh? I know as I make the transition and get situated - I know there will be more support and honestly, I'll be more confident in my transition.